What now?
So, let me give a brief rundown of my situation. I am living with my mother, happily, on welfare due to a disability, and have pretty much given up on finding a job or furthering myself in any regards. I just spend my days at home, either in bed or eating. I used to be torn apart about going back to college or moving back to Europe and living on my own in Germany or some Scandinavian country. I tried college, the military, and feel as though I've thrown my stone as far as I could, and am now blissfully satisfied with pretty much everything in my life, despite it being very monotonous and plain. I've sort of come to terms with everything in my life, I don't struggle anymore.
So, what now? I don't want to give the impression that I have attained nirvana and am above the trappings of life; because, there is still an inkling of me wanting to go back to college, which is fading away.
Make no mistake, this is no cry out for help. More of a, 'change my mind' sort of thread.
In some strange sense I feel like time will answer this question of "what now?". Perhaps, I can go on like this for as long as possible, and am very satisfied with this new found equilibrium that I have achieved. To be honest, this forum is the only source of entertainment and intellectual stimulation that I have going for me. In a moment of doubt about all the above, I asked my psychiatrist if I was 'crazy' to be so content with having so little, to which he replied, "I don't use that term."... "Maybe a little eccentric."
So, what are your thought given the above?
So, what now? I don't want to give the impression that I have attained nirvana and am above the trappings of life; because, there is still an inkling of me wanting to go back to college, which is fading away.
Make no mistake, this is no cry out for help. More of a, 'change my mind' sort of thread.
In some strange sense I feel like time will answer this question of "what now?". Perhaps, I can go on like this for as long as possible, and am very satisfied with this new found equilibrium that I have achieved. To be honest, this forum is the only source of entertainment and intellectual stimulation that I have going for me. In a moment of doubt about all the above, I asked my psychiatrist if I was 'crazy' to be so content with having so little, to which he replied, "I don't use that term."... "Maybe a little eccentric."
So, what are your thought given the above?
Comments (31)
Don't let your disability become a second disability. There are good reasons for people to have disability status -- and I'm not knocking it. But it is important for persons who are disabled (or retired, or unemployed, or otherwise not working) to have on-going "work" of some kind which is meaningful. Your involvement in TPF is an example of on-going work.
I'd be a little concerned about being at home all the time, eating and laying in bed (wallowing). I think you should get out a bit more--exercise, social contact of some kind, sunshine (vitamin D), etc.
Oh, well I just treat it as the F-word, or another way of saying STFU. It's really meaningless if a trained professional such as a psychiatrist or psychologist won't ever use it.
Quoting Bitter Crank
Yeah, thanks!
Quoting Bitter Crank
Well, nothing to be sorry about, really. Why do you say that?
Quoting Bitter Crank
Well, the libraries are still open; but, just home is just a matter of preference for me to stay home and read stuff online or play League of Legends or post here and actually interact with people in a safe and distant manner. I don't watch that much TV. Sometimes Bloomberg, about the economy. Don't like the radio that much either.
Quoting Bitter Crank
It doesn't bother me. Just who I am, and I've come to terms with it. As of recent I've even stopped going to group therapy meetings also.
Quoting Bitter Crank
Meh, I don't know what's all the jazz about work. I used to clean toilets and urinals, pick up trash, and clean the popcorn from kids and parents in a movie theater. To each their own, I figure.
Quoting Bitter Crank
Well, wallowing is fun in general. You just wallow around haha.
Quoting Bitter Crank
Don't get the idea that all of this is dysphoric in some sense. It's not depression, not some form of existentialism. Just trying to reality test my own thoughts against yours or someone else.
Your trepidation over your stated satisfaction belies your claim to satisfaction. That's not psychoanalysis. That's just logic.
If you're looking for someone to condemn your shiftlessness, you won't find it here, mostly because none of really know your capabilities and it's really none of our business.
I do echo Lone Wolf's sentiments though.
Perhaps, it's because I'm passionate about philosophy, that has given rise to all these sentiments.
Quoting Lone Wolf
Is that a bad thing? I don't think being satisfied with less is an issue. Maybe, I'm just splitting an infinitive here.
Quoting Lone Wolf
Yes, I do. :_)
Quoting Lone Wolf
Yeah, maybe. I don't really have much to say though about anything in particular.
Thank you for entertaining my trite and mundane babble.
Hmm, good point. Although, "trepidation" is not the right word here, in my humble opinion. Maybe, doubt or uncertainty or lack of confidence would be more appropriate here.
Quoting Hanover
A very strange way to perceive issues, don't you think? Maybe you don't care about all this babble; but, seemingly others do. If it's none of your business then, why bother at all?
It can be a bad thing. Because you posted this thread, I'm not entirely convinced that you are truly satisfied.
Quoting Posty McPostface
Hm, you said you were passionate about philosophy, so perhaps you could write on that. The possibilities are great, as there are many topics to work with there. :)
Not strange, just being honest. It's not my business. In order to really answer your question about what you ought to do next would require a true understanding of your disability, which would require far more information than I'm actually entitled to or able to evaluate remotely and as an amateur, regardless of how well intentioned.
If someone posted that they're disabled due to a digestive disorder, I'd just take it at face value. How would I know how debilitating it is, and who would I be to tell them to push themselves farther than they currently are? My best advice would be to get real advice. Your situation is complicated.
On the other hand, if someone posted some run of the mill problem that was fairly self-contained and just of momentary importance, I'd hazard a response, but telling you to ask your doctor for direction seems the real response to all you're saying because your problems are not the run of the mill I'm referencing.
Quoting Posty McPostface
Are there squirrels around where you live? Gray squirrels are actually fairly eager to become acquainted with people. Humans are a handy source of free food, and it's fairly easy to entice them to eat out of your hand (peanuts work well for this). It's an opportunity to establish relationships with the rodent wing of creation and as members of that group, Sciurus carolinensis are a lot cuter than rats.
When I lived on Prior Avenue, I coaxed several squirrels into eating out of my hand. They'd sit on the porch and look into my kitchen window, waiting for me. I'd go outside, sit on the step and one would sit on my knee while the others waited impatiently for their chance.
Don't expect a deep relationship. Squirrels are pretty shallow creatures -- probably why they get along so well with us. Shallow but persistent. The gray squirrels on the U of M campus feel entitled. They follow people, and if you give them any encouragement they'll crawl right up your pant leg, if you have a McDonald's bag in your hand.
Another nice thing about squirrels is that they tend to die off In the winter or get run over, so you don't have the tedious business of breaking off summer-time relationships. Of course, you probably don't have a Season of Squirrel Death where you live, so let's hope you have lots of traffic.
These sorts of irrelevant asides are how I make it through my day. You?
Anyway, as always thanks for the tips, advice, and input.
If you're happy, you're winning. The end. Better to find that out now than when you become "successful" and realize you're actually miserable because you sold yourself out to the social dream.
(People that set conditions on their happiness inevitably find out not only that they cannot be happy unless they've met those conditions but also that they can't be happy if they do because the basis for their happiness is socially conditioned guilt/fear and everything they do to achieve their goals on the basis of those feelings magnifies them further.)
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/being-a-couch-potato-may-change-your-personality1/
Something to think about.
I vote for going back to college and studying philosophy--tough degree to get a job with, but apparently you don't need one? You'd get all the fun of the forum with more rigor and you'd get out of the house :)
Without knowing you in the flesh it's just hard to say. We all can edit our text here and choose what we say. There's not enough information to give good advice.
That being said I will say that if you are content then there's nothing to address. @Baden said it best to me.
Interesting, thanks. I guess I have wallowed as much as possible and that needs to change.
Quoting NKBJ
Well, I have registered for a community college class this summer. So, I will at least have something to do that is edifying. I'm just wary of college, and going into debt anymore. Though, I will have to reconsider that idea, and since I take this whole philosophy thing so seriously, then maybe I should go deeper into it. Thank you for the show of support!
Well, that's a topic worth exploring. If you and I assume that we are both being honest and sincere in our postings, then I don't think you have a better image of me than anyone else can perceive if they knew me in person. Make no mistake, I honestly think lives are changed on these forums given how intimate and profound philosophy can be to a person. My posts are almost entirely devoid of pretension or false ideas about myself.
Not sure about that. Physical relationships are governed by different rules. Here we are allowed to (to some detriment) be more open and forthcoming about our beliefs and held prejudices about ourselves, the world, and other such matters. Despite, this being a different form of communication, there's still a lot being understood and thought about. You form a mental image of me, and so do I of you based on your held beliefs. I might not entirely understand you; but, that should not be a limiting factor in us trying to arrive at some common ground or goal.
I guess. It's just that it is hard to find people who don't want to project their own assumptions and such, instead of understanding the other.
Basically, the super-ego is more apparent here (or not), than a real life interaction in my humble opinion. Maybe, I'm just reading too deep into our interactions on this forum; but, it's hard to find people with common interests as the ones displayed hereabouts.
The cat in your avatar is awesome, BTW.
I also believe that postings in this forum can be a manifestation of the psychological condition at play, meaning that responding and even offering validation for someone's feelings could be an enablement of the condition, making us a part of whatever is at play.
What I am saying is that I have taken it upon myself to be difficult to anyone who attempts to use this forum as a psychological sounding board when the matter goes beyond mundane questions like "how do you think I should I ask Betty Sue out" or other innocuous sorts of quandaries. I don't say this as a mod, but as someone who just thinks the sort of talk in this post are at best a waste of time, and at worst part of an unhealthy episode.
That I think that my comments here might be harmful to your psychological state, whatever it may be, (and I sort of do) is even the more reason why we shouldn't tread in these waters at all.
Fine, that's the rational thing to do. It's none of your business to try and remedy the problems of the world. Its just that behind all of what you're talking about is a seemingly lack of concern or care for other people. TimeLine took her job too seriously, but, there's something praiseworthy to be said about her efforts.
Quoting Hanover
Yes, and it is imperative that we do not just brush aside these so called "manifestations".
Quoting Hanover
Yeah, well I do what I can around here and try and empathize with other people's concerns and problems, not that I'm Jesus or anything like that. I'm not so high or deluded to think that I will change every mind or dissuade people from irrationality or some such matter.
Quoting Hanover
So, you're in contradiction or not?
Quoting Hanover
OK, I agree to disagree. I do recall you taking your time and addressing my problems and issues in the past PF and around here, for which you have my gratitude. I'm not asking you to be a surrogate father of sorts, just a little more compassion? In all honestly, I find this forum and the contemplative state of mind that it puts a person in, highly therapeutic, and a source of potential benefit for others, for which I hope others might notice, utilize, or benefit from.
Individuals have to be at least reasonably mentally intact to state here that they have a serious psychological condition for which medication will be required. People in a psychotic state won't be posting here often, and if they do, it will most likely be obvious that the poster is non compos mantis. In any case, they won't be getting the wrong medication here.
There are a batch of people here who are insightful enough to give free advice to people with garden variety mental illnesses. I haven't seen anybody say anything downright awful to a troubled person here, though I haven't agreed with some of the advice given.
Actually, the set-up of a moderated board is the equivalent of a walk-in DIY support group. People find such things useful. Look at AA.
Actually, we hand out advice that might be more dangerous than some of our psychological 'text therapy'. Like, "you should go back to college." Sure, go back to college, get a degree and end up hip deep in debt, maybe with poor job prospects.
People who say they are depressed are usually still functional and are perfectly capable of testing reality. Depressed people feel like shit, aren't sleeping well, can't concentrate, and so on -- but they are not incapable of sorting out really bad advice from advice which might be useful, or might not be. Depressed people aren't going to send you all their money, for instance, just because you said that would be nice.
Those with more major mental illnesses (like schizoaffective disorder, bi-polar people in mania, etc.) usually come off as very disturbed people, disturbance evident to just about everybody.
Besides, your average TPF internet psychiatrist usually refers the disturbed to a doctor anyway.
One issue that has appeared in this thread, is the fact that talking about issues seems to be some taboo on a forum like this, for whatever reason. I hope we can come to terms with the fact that the entertainment of 'philosophy' is specific to some people who have their own issues and bouts of doubt about their own sanity, given reasonable accommodations. I hope we can be more understanding of those (not all) who do experience such pangs of self-doubt or uncertainty in their own lives in a more formal or tactful manner, if at all possible.
That's all I have to say. Thanks. Time to sleep for me.
There's no mod issue with the discussion. It's fine for the lounge. There is a line of course and when someone seems to be very disturbed we might shut down a discussion on the principle of "First do no harm". That doesn't appear to be the case here.
Also, I think your personal situation raises important issues: How does modern society (competitive and capitalist as it is) delimit our capacity for happiness? Is there a point at which happiness is considered a mark of insanity because we live outside the accepted limits of the conditions widely regarded necessary for it? Is this "insanity" maybe a desirable thing if it allows an otherwise socially impermissible happiness? Is there a sense in which society itself is "insane"? And so on.
I would stick by my earlier point that we need to problematize the social conditions for happiness because "success" as circumscribed in modern society is too narrowly defined and certainly isn't contiguous with contentment (as your case illustrates). I'd just add the caveat that we are always moving whether we like it or not and the correct orientation is neither fully navel- or horizon-gazing but somewhere in between, so we need to constantly recreate the conditions which we have found lead us to happiness and if they change adjust ourselves promptly. (Back to storms and icebergs again).
:up:
I think this sums it up well. If Posty is happy in his current predicament then why in the world would we not be supportive of that? Maybe his values don't align with ours - or with those typically respected in our society (school, work, money...death) - but overcoming an excessive concern with how others perceive us can be a great achievement in itself.
(I'm reminded of the story of Diogenes parading around town with an Olympic wreath he made for himself, and then, after nearly being assaulted by angered townsfolk for the affront to actual Olympians, declaring that his victory over being enslaved to their opinions was even more difficult and glorious than any involving physical achievement. I may have got some details wrong, but that's the gist of it.)
The "way of being" that he finds most congenial, at this moment at least, clearly isn't the cookie cutter recipe for success ostensibly applicable to everyone: it's particular to his idiosyncratic personality and should be judged accordingly. And his judgement on how best to live his life is the one that matters most. If I had one issue here it'd be precisely that: this matter is too personal to solicit the advice or look for confirmation from others. I know that's not necessarily the spirit of his inquiry, but it could be interpreted as such.
It would be much more complex, of course, if he had children or others whose well-being he was responsible for, or if his happiness was tied in with self-destructive behavior, etc. But nothing I've read from him indicates this to be the case, although I may have missed some relevant information as I've only skimmed this thread.
My own experience is that a certain amount of dis-content motivates me, and oddly enough, contentedness is quite bad for me in the medium-term. A challenge eggs me on.
Do whatever you want, as long as it is not unethical, that is, it does not break the Golden Rule of Ethics. But note, the Golden Rule is not the negative form "Don't do unto others as you don't want them to do unto you", but the positive form "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you." In that sense, doing nothing is unethical. The Golden Rule is a call for action, the duty to help others in whatever way you are able to do.
Most definitely, just look around.