Family matter, help?
I'm stuck with a mother that wants my father to lose and my father that wants my father to lose. My mom wants my father to lose a case over the house we live in and vice-versa.
I'm one day on my father's side, and another on my mother's side.
I'm quite confused and angry over the matter and want the case to end as soon as possible.
It's either every day I stand on my mother's side or on my dad's side.
Ideally, I would move out and live on my own and let them solve the issue themselves, but, I don't have the money to do so or do anything about it. So, I'm stuck at the moment in between them and have nothing I can do.
What would you recommend I do?
I'm one day on my father's side, and another on my mother's side.
I'm quite confused and angry over the matter and want the case to end as soon as possible.
It's either every day I stand on my mother's side or on my dad's side.
Ideally, I would move out and live on my own and let them solve the issue themselves, but, I don't have the money to do so or do anything about it. So, I'm stuck at the moment in between them and have nothing I can do.
What would you recommend I do?
Comments (11)
It does sound like moving out would be the only good solution I can think of. Otherwise, you cannot escape the turmoil between your parents.
Do you have any friends/relatives whom you could stay with temporarily ?
I think the best you can do for her is take care of yourself and be there for her if things do get serious. You are clearly struggling with it yourself and no doubt, it is your parents, your history and memories, everything during a divorce proceeding and no matter how old you are is very difficult emotionally. Focus on your own future; think about your future studies, for instance, or seek out a new creative venture.
Nothing. You simply cannot do anything since they are your parents and they will likely not listen to you anyway, since they view you as their child. So all you can do is wait for things to calm down (which they will as things get resolved, eventually people get tired of fighting).
You also want to make yourself useful in the house, with all the housework and similar things that are necessary. But it's best not to get too involved between the parents, they can solve their own problems. Parents sometimes try to manipulate children in such situations to use them against their partner, so make sure that doesn't happen and if you help one side you really believe that it's the right thing to do. It's also acceptable to tell them that you don't want to get involved between them since you respect them as parents and will wait till they resolve the issue. I would recommend not trying to arbitrate between one side or the other (as in telling them you're right here, and she's right there, or things like that).
So what you can do is bear the ordeal until it ends. Also, focus on other issues where possible, don't keep your mind on it. Remember to stay active.
To move out? I can only move to my grandmother, and that's a big if. I don't have the luxury to move anywhere, and my mom tells me she needs me as support and to make sure my dad doesn't do anything against her.
I'm really stuck here between an anvil and a hammer. I wish things were otherwise, but it seems I have to bear this cross.
I use the word "us" intentionally because I have been where you are and nothing you do will be "enough" so you are better off putting yourself first, gaining that inner strength and growing through this. If it is any help, what you are enduring now is change, this is what change feels like, this is what change looks like but remember we usually come out stronger for having endured that storm of change. Try using the same words to both parents, repeatedly, such as "I am no longer capable of getting involved. You need to talk to each other". AND WALK AWAY You need to walk away for your own self preservation, until you have a safe place to unwind, free of both parents, a consistent place whether that is an apartment with a roommate or the Priest at the corner church. There is a community of help around you, you just have to look for it and when you find it, have the courage to say that you need to get out of what has become a very toxic relationship in demise. As a son, if you really have concern for your mothers safety if you are not there, then walk into your police station and talk to them, let them know what is going on. They are our community leaders and they are incredibly helpful if you come to them in a time of peace, rather than them arriving at your Mom's home with a weapon involved, I promise you.
Yeah, get out of that situation if you can.
Sometimes preserving others is the only way to preserve oneself...
Quoting Hanover
Wiser words have never been spoken. (Y)