What is more virtuous: a damaging, burning Truth or an innocuous, velvet Lie?
Ihttps://philosophience.wordpress.com/2020/08/21/quote-by-philosophientist-no-4/
Quote by philosophientist (No 4): ?Telling people the absolute truth about themselves is often a delicate form of cruelty and discourtesy . Telling the whole truth about yourself to yourself is the shortest road to distress.?
In my opinion, illusions, denial of parts of reallity and self-deception are the quitnessence of the human existence. And I prefer the courtesy of a lie or a half-truth than a crude truth (especially when this truth is not going to be beneficial or help in some way the receiver). Civilization is a great deal about it.
And what about ourselves? According to the principles of evolutionary biology/psykology, the human brain searches always for things that will increase its master's survival..and its own. If survival coincide with the truth, fine. The truth for the right choice of remedy will save the patient, make the doctor popular and rich, enhance his/her possibilities for a succesful life (in evolutionary terms always). The true/right kind of medicine will spread.
But what about truths that disclose pain, futility, trauma, helpnessness? Many claim that self-awareness is an ideal, but who can be sure that what's inside us is worth knowing?
Quote by philosophientist (No 4): ?Telling people the absolute truth about themselves is often a delicate form of cruelty and discourtesy . Telling the whole truth about yourself to yourself is the shortest road to distress.?
In my opinion, illusions, denial of parts of reallity and self-deception are the quitnessence of the human existence. And I prefer the courtesy of a lie or a half-truth than a crude truth (especially when this truth is not going to be beneficial or help in some way the receiver). Civilization is a great deal about it.
And what about ourselves? According to the principles of evolutionary biology/psykology, the human brain searches always for things that will increase its master's survival..and its own. If survival coincide with the truth, fine. The truth for the right choice of remedy will save the patient, make the doctor popular and rich, enhance his/her possibilities for a succesful life (in evolutionary terms always). The true/right kind of medicine will spread.
But what about truths that disclose pain, futility, trauma, helpnessness? Many claim that self-awareness is an ideal, but who can be sure that what's inside us is worth knowing?
Comments (28)
A great livescience article explaining why we all believe we are better than average.
Well, unless you have depression, anxiety, or you're incredibly capable. It turns out having confidence in yourself is an important measure in asserting yourself to attempt that action, even if you're not very good at it.
Me personally? Give me the truth. The scalding unyielding truth. This is not an armchair ideal either. Early in my life, I could have avoided some seriously life impeding situations had people not lied to my face about certain things. They did it so they wouldn't hurt me, or they were afraid. That hurt me more than anything else when I found out years later.
Of course, what type of truth though? It should be truth that helps you grow. Yes, you might find out something terrible about yourself, but then you can attempt to fix it. If of course you're told a truth with the idea that you should jump off a cliff and end it all, that's no good either.
Lies can be comforting to yourself and those around you, but they simply put a rug over the issue. The truth is still there, and no lie will ever deal with it properly. So we should speak truth, but we should be gentle and understanding about it. It should be seen as giving another person an opportunity to pull the rug away and clean house. We should also understand that some people will hear the truth, recognize it, and put a rug over it anyway. Its their life to manage; let them do it as long as they aren't hurting others.
The decision to tell a harmful lie or the distressing truth can change from situation to situation. A lot of people may say, "give me the cold, hard truth", but others may be too fragile to hear the truth, perhaps at that particular time in their life (regardless of what they may tell you...perhaps they are lying to themselves about their ability to handle the truth).
I see this dilemma as having multiple factors. First, you cannot know for certain what is better for the person, either in the short term or the long term. The truth may cause short term pain, but may be of benefit to the person in the long run. Or perhaps the person may not be able to get over the truth, causing long term distress. The decision should not be made lightly.
Second, it depends on what the truth or lie is about. The more serious the topic, the more important it is to weigh the pros and cons of each option. Lies may cause unforeseen harm to a person, because you cannot know all aspects of their life or their beliefs about themselves. If telling the lie might cause temporary or ongoing harm to the person, more so than the truth, isn't it your moral duty to tell the truth? Even if the person may not be willing or capable of receiving it? Then again, see my first factor.
Third, don't discount some middle ground. A temporary lie followed by the truth when it may be more beneficial, or more helpfully received, is an option. Of course, you do risk having the person upset with you for lying in the first place, but hopefully they will understand your explanation.
In daily life I have often been extremely honest about so many things and people have used my self- disclosed truths against me to their own ends.
What are the facts and truths about our own lives. How much is distortion of our own making or by what is projected onto us by others with their own truths and lies. Others perceived honest opinions can be the most condemning if we do not see that they perceive and judge to their own advantage.
Personal truth is a journey and while it is important to cast out self-deception, surely it is better for each individual to be tell his or own mythic story, choosing what facts to disclose and wish to omit in the spirit of creativity and truth, allowing others the freedom to do the same. Sometimes fiction is a the most free medium as it allows juxtaposition which tells the main truth which can be hidden amidst the trivia and chaos of fabrication and fact.
If a person I love and care about has an interview for very important job for her career and I know from experience that she is not appropriate dressed, I would perhaps tell her to choose another cloth even if that would embarass or make her little sad.
The harmless lies I mention in my post are in cases where not only harm is avoided for the lie-receiver (immediately or later), but where the other alternative, i.e. the truth, would cause irreparable damage. Or, where the disclosure of the truth would not help, because it would concern non-fixable things or situations.
An example/question: Think of an atheist whose beloved, deep religious mother is dying and says that she is happy and content because she 's going to heaven, to God and she 'll meet her son again there someday in the future. And she asks him what he thinks of it. What should her son answer?
I could not possibly think that you really envision the atheist portraying his beliefs to a fantasised afterlife family reunion to a parent as they are about to die. Likewise, a pretence of belief in the afterlife by the atheist would most likely be a hollow sham, and probably appear fake and unconsoling.
Very nice formulated and poetic!! I really liked it!
"I think that sounds wonderful Mom," The situation you painted will be mine in the future. My mother is fiercely religious. I still love her. I want her last moments on Earth to be wonderful. Its not about, "Who wins". If you're an atheist, you're pretty confident that the end is the end. It would be cruel to be petty and deny her those final moments of peace.
?I think that sounds wonderful Mom," The situation you painted will be mine in the future. My mother is fiercely religious. I still love her. I want her last moments on Earth to be wonderful. Its not about, "Who wins". If you're an atheist, you're pretty confident that the end is the end. It would be cruel to be petty and deny her those final moments of peace.? -Philosophim
Yes! Exactly!
I thought that Philosophm' s response was an exaggerated response. My own mention of my father's mention of buying a place into heaven is in the context of my own questioning of Catholicism which I shielded, partly because I did not need at a time of deep personal exploration.
I am neither a complete atheist or believer in an afterlife and I neither conceal or deny this but just approach others spontaneously, but with regard to their beliefs.
I think that you have created an interesting area of debate and you may have paved the way for all kinds of exciting possibilities for discussion.
The militant truth tellers can definitely be obnoxious and the worst to have involved in complex philosophical discussions, They often have such limited vision, distorting and curbing all genuine constructions and renditions of truth, which is about seeing beyond the facade of the limits of our own personal experience.
One can still express a brutal truth with kindness and respect. Managing a series of lies is a great deal more difficult and stressful than telling the truth. And if the lying is discovered, no matter how courteous, they indict your character.
Hopefully our lives and those of others are not shrouded in lies altogether and if they really are what has led to the lies?
It is also difficult talking abstractly, because although the example of lying to a dying relative opened up a discussion all facets of personal and social deception have there only intricacies.
As far as the opening discussion was concerned, how much lying and self'disclosure in personal life was the starting point at least.
This starting point is good though, because how we approach issues in our life can be broadened to a wider ethical sphere. If we can be aware of the logic of our personal lives it may give us the logic to apply to social and political dilemmas, But this is only if we can look at each issue in itself without unhelpful generalisations.
Having written this response I am aware that there are all kinds of lies and deceptions going on at a social and political level. This is probably a slightly different debate but it may be interrelated in some strange way, when historians review the lives of our political leaders, their autobiographical tuths and their agendas, even in the time of Covid_19 and the current turmoil.
About the risk to indict our character: Not if the person understands that we didn't want to hurt his/her feelings.
If only it was perfect. I wrestle on a day to day basis about how to live my life without hurting my mother's feelings because she is elderly.
There are so many dimensions to the lying and honesty debate and probably most of us have a a complex mixture of self interest and higher motives, and at best, awareness of motives will lead to being honest with oneself.
Quoting Philosophim
This comment from Philosophim is helpful because it made me realize the most virtuous choice may be neither the lie nor the truth. It really depends what is at stake. The fact he's not telling his mother the truth about his atheist point of view doesn't mean he is lying to her.
Your example of your friend being inappropriately dressed for a job interview is helpful because it illustrates that, often, there is an easy answer. There is too much at stake for her, for you not to tell her the truth. (Or, then again, maybe you know the job is a bad one, so you let her go dressed inappropriately hoping she won't be offered the position!)
Perhaps a real dilemma could be your friend asking you how the golf trip was with his/her partner, when you realize the partner used you as an alibi for an affair. How do you answer? This may be a simple answer for some people. But there is a real dilemma, knowing you will cause pain either way.
Well written!
Philosophims hypothetical answer to mamma and my "interview example" and your "golf trip example". All illustrate the fact that what is virtuous depends not on whether we tell a truth or a lie , but on whether we want to cause pain or not to others. We can often use the truth as an excuse to deliberately inflict damage.
1. Survive predators. We know that an efficient technique for predators is camouflage - I supposs being undetected until the final phase of an attack is a highly efficent modus operandi. The essence of camouflage is deception i.e. the predator lies to the prey. Ergo, potential prey like us need to, if only to live to see the next sunrise, know the truth.
Once we became predators, apex predators at that, ourselves, we needed to learn how to deceive our prey. Hence we learned to lie.
2. Find a mate. To get a partner one needs to be sexually appealing but not everyone is created equal in that department. Some, like myself, fall into that unfortunate category of people who have a difficult, almost impossible, time finding a willing member of the opposite, or in some cases the same, sex. We're the kind who love being lied to - we don't mind, in fact appreciate, being told we're attractive, handsome, beautiful, hot, cool, etc. when the truth is we're not. Perhaps it boosts confidence to a level that improves the odds of mating successfully. In any case, to my reckoning this is as good an explanation as any other as to why lies and lying still exist as ongoing phenomena.
In essence, the choices offered, truth or lie, is that between escaping a predator or finding a mate for someone like me. It depends then what the circumstances are - am I soldier trying to figure out where the enemy is or am I hoping to score a home run with a girl?
:chin:
I was simply exploring the persistence of lies and lying despite the fact that they're valued negatively.
It appears, from my drive-by of the issue, that truths and lies are deeply connected to survival. Humans, like most other life-forms I suppose, are both prey and predator and in these roles both truths and lies seem to increase the odds of either evading predators or capturing prey. Too, the conditions that need to be met for mating opportunities are such that most of us, at one point or another, are below par and lies soften the blow to our fragile but existentially vital egos.
When we find truth damaging it's when it compromises our chances of finding prey or escaping predators and when lies are met with open arms it's because we need to cushion the blow to our fragile egos as when our amorous advances are spurned by a potential mate.