Years of meditating

I spent about 9 years off and on meditating; I didn't follow any specific 'school' or philosphy of meditating.

It would be diffcult to 'prove' or 'show' anyone, but I believe I effectivey "strengthened" my mind, akin to working out one's muscles, to the point that "thoughts" which might faze an ordinary purpose do not faze me.

For example, media depicting violent or 'shocking' events, such as violent crimes or disasters seems to produce a negative emotional effect in ordinary people, however as a result of training my mind, I don't feel fazed or emotionally out of control when I see said events (e.x. I believe that if I were to witness a violent crime, I wouldn't lose my emotional 'cool'). Some guides on 'self-defense' have likewise stated that during a violent encounter, most of it boils down to managing one's 'fight or flight' response.

At times, I felt like I was going insane though, or potentially driving others insane with my thoughts, so I am not attempting anything so "extreme" anymore (some of the gurus I am also a bit skeptical of; some of them seem cultish or like they have a messiah complex); lately I simply lie and try to quietly contemplate something nice.