Is it depression if you're simply tired of life?
Some may know me hereabouts for being depressed and wallowing in it.
Yet, I'm not sure if it is even depression anymore. Depression felt like a weight holding me down, along with anxiety trying to keep me upright. I have been depressed for some fifteen years, mostly in the sense of not giving a rats ass about getting better, and simply hoping that circumstances will change, that are beyond my control.
So, here I am after all this complaining about complaining, and I simply am not depressed; but, rather tired of life. Possibly trying to be as objective as possible here, philosophy has been a fun game to play as long as I wasn't going into the deep end of the pool and asking the hardest questions.
I tend to burn out quickly, and my willpower is like burning straw, in that it can be intense; but, lasts for a short time.
I must have asked or therapists must get this question a lot; but, what do you do when you lose the will to live or simply get tired of it?
Obviously this belongs in the lounge and I am posting it here, as to not anger any mods.
Yet, I'm not sure if it is even depression anymore. Depression felt like a weight holding me down, along with anxiety trying to keep me upright. I have been depressed for some fifteen years, mostly in the sense of not giving a rats ass about getting better, and simply hoping that circumstances will change, that are beyond my control.
So, here I am after all this complaining about complaining, and I simply am not depressed; but, rather tired of life. Possibly trying to be as objective as possible here, philosophy has been a fun game to play as long as I wasn't going into the deep end of the pool and asking the hardest questions.
I tend to burn out quickly, and my willpower is like burning straw, in that it can be intense; but, lasts for a short time.
I must have asked or therapists must get this question a lot; but, what do you do when you lose the will to live or simply get tired of it?
Obviously this belongs in the lounge and I am posting it here, as to not anger any mods.
Comments (47)
Trying to answer my own questions is difficult; but, one needs goals in life to sustain one's fire in a manner of speaking. Yet, I have no desire to really change anything in my life. It's this nagging urge to not feel depressed that is bothering me, as I have come to accept it.
If it will not go away, that's fine, I just have to learn to cope with it. But, that sense of coping with something that is at the same time within and out of one's control is not fun.
Good advice I reckon.
I don’t know how old you are. But I imagine what you feel is not unknown to older people. Being tired of life is a very common experience for them. Maybe go and have a chat with people of older age, 70 on, and see what they have to say. Of course they may not open up immediately, stiff upper lip and all that sort of thing, so you may need to persevere.
When it is harder to suffer than change, we change.
Quoting Wallows
Yes, learning coping skills is awesome and necessary BUT you have to apply the skill/coping tool to an advancement of how to handle some difficult/challenge from your past, likely present as well so it doesn't disrupt your future.
Begin by experiencing one different act everyday. A simple act of interaction that helps another will give you a sense of purpose.
Walk outside or go to the store and help an elderly person load or unload their groceries. Make that daily act, find someone in need and give them a smile. By recognizing that as shitty as we might see our own life upclose, a stranger only knows who we present ourselves as today.
There is also great wisdom in the suggestion @Brett made. The Salvation army is always opening their arms to day help. No long tern commitment necessary but it is good food for the soul. :sparkle:
Ps: many of us are "tired of life" until we make a purposeful decision and then you will be tired, not of life but because of living life. You have it within you. :strong:
29, too young for this sort of shit>?
Quoting Brett
I will go on wallowing...
Well, here I chime in and say, no! I don't like the fetishism of psychology to fixate on some botched past. It is what it is.
Wallowsome, but acceptable.
I don’t get you, but I don’t know you well enough to advise you. You do seem to have quite a strong personality and equally unafraid to use it here.
I do agree about the fetishism of psychology with the past.
My point about older people, in case it wasn’t made clear enough, is that they live with their physical aches and pains, the idea that old age is not going to go away, and the long past with so many botched moments. But they get up every morning, do the same deadly routine, deal with the same problems over and over and face up to it.
I swim with a small group of older men, up to the mid eighties in age. Some have lost partners, some have cancer or suffered a stroke. They get up every morning and head down the beach, push themselves through the water and always comment on how good they feel. Bitching and arguing is also part of this process.
Neither do I get me. To be unbiased and honest, here, I think I'm just pretty self-indulgent and downright spoiled. I have no apparent reason to hate my life; but, I don't find it rewarding or useful in many ways. I've spent a good portion of my life on online forums, asking for help, whining, and complaining about complaining. It's a self-justifying thing with me.
Quoting Brett
See, I wouldn't mind being at the end of my life, and just spending the rest with family or recollecting about it having been experienced and gone through. Yet, I am quite young, and find existence burdensome. The only time when I'm happy is before sleep, sleeping, and the half-hour after waking up. The rest of my waking life is spent in bed or checking my phone for new posts here.
And, I don't think it's not "depression" anymore. It's always been depression with me, as my mother, and closest relatives know that about me. Yet, I've tried countless drugs for depression, CBT, and a little bit of therapy. Nothing seems to help. I do think about suicide a lot and have talked about it as if it we're eating an ice-cream.
Again, my spoiled attitude seems to be the issue here, and character-building is prevented by this attitude. Am I not taking life seriously enough? Perhaps...
Y’know, at 29 I was still full of the bullshit of my youth. I thought I was a mature male, but I wasn’t. You do seem to be pretty self indulgent and lazy. Why the hell should you try harder? You need someone wiser and more experienced than me to kick you in the ass. But you know that anyway, don’t you.
Daddy issues left untouched, pretty much. I don't plan on committing suicide though. I have to see through helping my mom out and making it past that age when she makes her departure. I don't look forward to that day; but, neither do I see much to live once she is gone.
The thing is everyone thinks their issues are only theirs, that everyone else gets by fine. But eventually you realise those issues are just the human condition and not yours alone. Growing up takes time, peak maturity happens around 40. So how can you judge from your little anthill?
One takeaway thing from group therapy is the realization that you're not alone and others simply have it worse.
The issue here is that it just keeps on repeating itself here. On and on and on...
Yep. That’s what I’m saying about the elderly. But they get up, get out, then bitch about it. It’s good therapy.
You’re the ultimate minority, aren’t you?
Ehh, I'm gonna suspend the navel-gazing for some time, if me, myself, and I will allow it so.
One pastime to get me through the day was taking ADHD meds, and killing time reading or doing something productive.
Can I skip my 30-60's and get the badge of approval to complain and whine away?
But, I like my world, or not?
:razz:
Quoting Wallows
Define productive.
I challenge you to change your profile name.
For me? It's a very stipulative (low expectations) meaning of (not) wallowing as much.
Quoting Brett
The tacit agreement between me and Baden was that this one was final. My spectrum of human emotions has and probably be defined by this nick.
Quoting Wallows
Okay. I was playing in ignorance there.
Y’know productive means something is produced.
Full disclosure, I'm on SSI (welfare). I literally have nothing to complain about.
This is getting pathetic...
End my misery. Are you a cop by chance? I'm holding a loaded banana point-blank.
Eat it.
The banana? Oh, I put it away. It was an enticing opportunity though.
*changes the topic*
Have you ever been depressed, Brett?
I really don’t know. Fed up at times, despondent, passive.
I mean, you work with people, right? You've seen worse, that always broadens the scope of one's solipsistic world, right? It sounds as if you would want someone to ask, do I have any right to be depressed?
With me, it's probably bona fide depression mired with apathy and doing too many drugs.
I think you’re caught in a loop, a vicious cycle as they used to say. I’m about to go out and buy myself a cup of coffee. You should do the same.
Yes, I shall wallow and await your return, as I just ate dinner (provided by a local food bank)...
*And, yet, once again, I just flat out state that I really have no reason to be depressed*
My feeling is that depression doesn’t work.
It doesn't mean it has no purpose. Still trying to figure where it's fitting in the grand scheme of things, hereabouts.
Quoting Wallows
That’s an interesting point. Does everything have a purpose?
I don't really know, man. I wish there were a simple answer to all this wallowing. But, I suppose I have to learn to cope with it.
I hope I'm not making you reconsider abandoning this forum, again.
I’m serious about that. Post it; does everything have a purpose?
If you subscribe to the Principle of Sufficient Reason, then yes, everything has a cause and reason for it.
By wallowing? I think wallowing is just a harmless coping mechanism. Though, it is getting somewhat boring.
*Just wallows*
The person I was waiting for was late. In the end though it was fine.
Wallows...
It doesn't have to always be acceptable to you. You may be nearing the end of that level of depression.
:grin:
But, wallowing is healthy. Pigs have much to teach us.
If you're bored, stop being boring. I'd suggest you get a dog, name him Winnie, and the two of you drive up the California coast to Oregon. Camp out in a yurt and write a journal about your travels with Winnie.
Not this again. "Stop" is such a magical word here. So purposeful, and effective that when applied to mental states, would seem to make the problem (almost as-if) vanish away. Bingo?
So you want me to stop saying stop? Neither of us can just stop it seems.
Anyway, don't focus on the stop part. Focus on getting you that dog.
Well, my sister just moved in and she brought her dog, Sol, with her. I'm quite happy with the dog, though he's been abused (most likely), but is getting over it with her tenderness and care towards him.