Show Me Your Funny!
How did the solipsist break up with his girlfriend?
"It's not you, it's me."
(Come on guys, let's have fun. Make someone laugh so hard they almost have to suffocate a kitten to restore their equilibrium.)
"It's not you, it's me."
(Come on guys, let's have fun. Make someone laugh so hard they almost have to suffocate a kitten to restore their equilibrium.)
Comments (37)
'almost'. It does not imply a reality. :lol:
He kept insisting on a Platonic relationship.
Er. I just made that up. :nerd:
No worries. You’re safe here since very few ever visits page two. What happens in The Lounge stays in The Lounge, baby! :cool: < swigs a martini >
That's a relief. *Wipes sweat from brow*
[hide] Absolutely none whatsoever. [/hide]
And the Lord replies, "no problem, go ahead."
"Lord, is it true that a million years to you is but a second?"
And the Lord says, "yes, that is true."
"Well then, what is a million dollars to you?" The man asks.
And the Lord says, "a million dollars to me is but a penny."
And the man says, "ah, then, lord, may I have a penny?"
[hide="Reveal"]"Sure," says the lord, "Just a second."[/hide]
(From "Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar... Understanding Philosophy Through Jokes")
It's not you, it's me. I can do better.
Anyway, as for my joke:
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
[hide]See you next month[/hide]
Wait, I don’t get... oh. ewww! :rofl:
? Albert Einstein
The mathematician exclaims, "this is pointless!" and storms out of the room. The engineer agrees to proceed with the experiment anyway. Seeing this, while on his way out, the mathematician calls out to the engineer, "can't you see they're messing with you? You'll never actually reach her!"
To that, the engineer responds, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
This is not a joke, but I found it quite amusing, even though I myself would have to forgo a ride on a jackass. Fat people may not be able to lose weight, but they can be more fit. So mach schnell, swine!
I once contemplated riding a mule down the path to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I was much slimmer then. When I got there I was horrified to discover just how horrifying even standing on the path was; it gave me a panic attack, with that vast empty volume of space, let alone sitting five feet up on the back of a mule walking right along the edge, the way they do.
Plus, the mules were very arrogant about their confident sure-footedness.
Aspiring partner replies, "Why should I settle for those small fish when I've got the biggest client ever? My client's got an endless supply of calamities for us to solve. I've been making more money than all my peers combined, are you sure you want to let me go?"
Big shot lawyer is surprised and asks, "Oh, who's this client?"
Aspiring partner replies, [hide]"God."[/hide]
Tins of canned ham at the border must be shivering in terror.
I forgot to mention the Soros funded toothpicks. That ham is gonna get skewered and served on a plate with cheese & crackers.
:lol: :rofl:
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
Pioneer species? Yeah I know. :)
Clearly giving it a lot of thought, my six-year-old observed, "Mom, a Wise Woman would have brought diapers."