Do you love someone?

Reply to Prasad No, that is not how I feel it.

For me it is a feeling of caring, sharing, and wishing to be with as we journey through life together. Actual emotions change, constantly, but the fundamental feeling remains the same. Our journeys transcend multiple physical lives. We are always searching for each other.

Unconditional love is a stupid and dangerous ideal, with no historical basis, coined by Erich Fromm in the 1950s.

It's a license to do whatever the fuck you want, and demand forgiveness or the other is deficient in some way. It's also impossible. You don't get to chose who or what you love, or why you love them. Forcing yourself because you think you ought to, and torturing yourself for not meeting an impossible ideal is fun and all, though.

Reply to Prasad Do you think it is a necessity to wish good for the person you love (unconditionally) to claim that you love that person?

But why would anyone not wish good for the person they love?
And yes, the unconditional part is bullshit, never can happen, is impossible for a sane person.

This is a philosophy forum not a soap opera or singles app.

haha I wish

I think there are different kinds of love, and because of this, my answer will vary. if I love a person, there is no doubt I wish good on every person I love, no matter the kind of love. However, if you ask if I love a boyfriend unconditionally, my answer is no. because that is more of an infatuation. whereas, if you ask if I love my sister unconditionally, that answer is yes. I'd give everything I have & more to her.

Love to me is a lazy and pointless word, everyone has their own definitions of it. Anyone can use the word love, its the easiest thing in the world to say. Describing prescisly how you feel about someone in your own terms is a much greater indicator. I never borhered with the claim. I take the time to explain exactly how I feel.

On a personal level, its a disgusting word to me, and I feel nothing but anger and suspicion the moment someone says it to me.

I do not bother to define love, so I cannot say wether or not I love someone. I know I can become obsessed with someone, to me, that could be love.

Reply to Wosret You don't love me unconditionally?

Love is an altruistic act where you put others' interests at or above your own.

Reply to Hanover

Of course. I prefer to live stupidly and dangerously. I'm a rebel like that.

Quoting XanderTheGrey

On a personally level, its a disgusting word to me, and I feel nothing but anger and suspicion the moment someone says it to me.

But of course, as this is thematic with your ongoing agenda to advocate some sort of sociopathic ideology/religion you've come upon. How much longer must we wait before your big reveal where you set out the bases of your brand of Satanism?

And loving people means teaching them how to be independent of you, and a threat to you. How to be strong, self-sufficient, and well adapted. Not how to be helpful, dependent, and harmless. Those are values of distrust, and misanthropy.

Reply to Hanover

But of course, as this is thematic with your ongoing agenda to advocate some sort of sociopathic ideology/religion you've come upon. How much longer must we wait before your big reveal where you set out the bases of your brand of Satanism?

Not entirety sure what you mean to say. My intentions in life are to:

1. Help evolve modern human culture into something better then what we have now or have ever had in the past. A culture that will be capable of creating a civilization in which the quality of life for the majority is higher than its been for anyone at any point in history.

And

2. Get what I want for my own personal self out of life.

Were you really under the impression that I merely wan't to turn others onto sociopathic behaviour and or thinking? And create my own religion? How did you come apon that impression? If we are off subject, and you care to clarify your veiws, you can pm me.

Quoting Wosret

Unconditional love is a stupid and dangerous ideal, with no historical basis, coined by Erich Fromm in the 1950s.

It's a license to do whatever the fuck you want, and demand forgiveness or the other is deficient in some way. It's also impossible. You don't get to chose who or what you love, or why you love them. Forcing yourself because you think you ought to, and torturing yourself for not meeting an impossible ideal is fun and all, though.

Well, first of all, it is nice to be talking about unconditional love instead of talking about talking about unconditional love like in "Unconditional love does not exist; so why is it so popular?" in the post next door.

It does exist, it gives no license. Unconditional love is not something you ask for or demand, it's something you give. All the motivation comes from the giver, none from the receiver.

Beyond that, conditional love is not love at all. It's something else. It's a contradiction in terms.

Quoting XanderTheGrey

Love to me is a lazy and pointless word, everyone has their own definitions of it. Anyone can use the word love, its the easiest thing in the world to say. Describing prescisly how you feel about someone in your own terms is a much greater indicator. I never borhered with the claim. I take the time to explaim exactly how I feel.

And it's not really about explaining either, although it's nice to know you are seen. I rarely say "I love you." I do at the airport when my children are flying back to their homes. I do, rarely, in the middle of a conversation when a feeling of affection comes over me.

I like the word "love." Verbal people like me need to name something in order to really be aware of it. Except with my children, I've never been very good at it. A growing awareness has helped me learn to treat those I .... like a lot as they deserve.

Reply to T Clark

How does it exist? How could it not give license? Your love is not to be earned, or maintained but expected. It isn't like a grace that you can freely give, as that suggests considerations and circumstances. Unconditional love means always that, so the complete opposite of freely given.

Quoting Wosret

How does it exist? How could it not give license? Your love is not to be earned, or maintained but expected. It isn't like a grace that you can freely give, as that suggests considerations and circumstances. Unconditional love means always that, so the complete opposite of freely given.

As I said in the post you refer to:
Quoting T Clark

Unconditional love is not something you ask for or demand, it's something you give. All the motivation comes from the giver, none from the receiver.

I think you and I are talking about different things. All real love is one sided. It is given, not exchanged, not negotiated. My first experience was with my children. At least for me, love for children comes from nowhere. It's not earned, requested, or demanded. I think it's built into us by God or Charles Darwin. That's how it feels to me. I've tried to use the experience of love for my children as a model for my other relationships.

Reply to Wayfarer Damn. I was wondering why I couldn't just swipe left on the posts I don't like. And there didn't seem to be a strong story line in any of it. Thanks for explaining. :P

Reply to T Clark

I prefer reasons. You're not giving any. Apparently it's simply miraculously counter to what I said...

Quoting Wosret

I prefer reasons. You're not giving any. Apparently it's simply miraculously counter to what I said...

I'm not sure what you mean about reasons. There aren't any reasons. It's just how it works, in my experience at least.

Reply to T Clark

Well, we disagree, and it goes no further then.

Quoting Sir2u

And yes, the unconditional part is bullshit, never can happen, is impossible for a sane person.

Amen

Think what you wish but my first answer to the threads question was yes I love someone and that someone is me. Without my loving myself first, loving life does not flow easy. Once I accepted and loved myself almost unconditionally, it was easy to love others without casting expectations onto them but rather make sure the expectations I make are for me and only me.

Reply to ArguingWAristotleTiff Once I accepted and loved myself almost unconditionally

I like how you put the "almost" in there. I think that one has to put some conditions on loving oneself, other wise I would be happy to accept myself in any condition even if I know it is wrong for me.
I have to be happy with myself before I can love me.

I do not love anyone, and I do not need to. I have thought that I loved someone and that she loved me, but we were merely attracted to each other's appearances while our personalities clashed. I have no wish to put myself through anything like that again.

Reply to Jamie Then begin by loving yourself.

Reply to ArguingWAristotleTiff yes, exactly.