Love-Hate paradox
I read up on Love on wikipedia and what's to know is that it's a complex emotion. For instance, Love of wife is different from Love of sister is different from Love of a book, and so on. The wikipedia article doesn't mention what unifies these various forms of Love i.e. a common feature to all these isn't identified. The closest answer it gives is that Love is a positive emotion but that doesn't cut it because Like is a positive emotion and it's not the same as Love. Anyway, what I want to say is:
1) Love is a well-differentiated emotion (there are many kinds of Love).
The contrary of love is Hate. Now if you examine Hate you'll find that this emotion lacks the variety seen in love. Hate your mother, Hate your enemy, it's the same emotion. So, we can say:
2) Hate isn't a well-differentiated emotion (there's only one kind of Hate)
How can this be? Love has many forms. So, each form should have its very own contrary form of Hate, as distinct from each other as the forms of Love. But this isn't the case.
How can we explain this odd state of affairs?
1) Love is a well-differentiated emotion (there are many kinds of Love).
The contrary of love is Hate. Now if you examine Hate you'll find that this emotion lacks the variety seen in love. Hate your mother, Hate your enemy, it's the same emotion. So, we can say:
2) Hate isn't a well-differentiated emotion (there's only one kind of Hate)
How can this be? Love has many forms. So, each form should have its very own contrary form of Hate, as distinct from each other as the forms of Love. But this isn't the case.
How can we explain this odd state of affairs?
Comments (16)
Why should this be the case?
I think Love as Agape is not well-differentiated, and hate is it's opposite. The other forms of love are lesser, because they have a possessive aspect (eros). The unconditional nature of Agape is a giving love.
Do you agree that love of wife is different from love of sister, which is different from love of a car, and so on? If yes, it's only rational to expect their contraries be distinct from each other.
An analogy:
1, 2, 3,...are numbers distinct from each other (the different forms of love). The contrary of 1, not 1, is distinct from the contrary of 2, not 2. If not 1 and not 2 were same then there wouldn't be a difference between 1 and 2. But, there's a difference between 1 and 2. So, not 1 and not 2 should be distinct. Hate should have forms, each specific to a form of love.
Quoting Noble Dust
The different forms of love mentioned in my posts are the different forms of Agape.
It may be rational to think that, but why is that the right approach? I still fail to see why different forms of love require nice tidy opposites. Numbers and love, for instance, are not of the same kind...obviously...
Quoting TheMadFool
Love of car is not agape...
My question is:
Why does Love have so many types and hate does not?
You don't like the number analogy so let me give you an example from morality. [I]Good[/i] consists of many types and each has a distinct contrary e.g. goodwill - malice, kindness - wickedness, humble - arrogant, etc. It seems Evil, the contrary of Good is also well-differentiated.
Quoting Noble Dust
Agreed. But agape is just another type of Love.
Yes, there are different intensities of Hate as there are different intensities of Love. But Hate doesn't have types like Love has.
Quoting TheMadFool
The strong feeling of affection toward wife, sister and book aren't different. What's different is the the reasons for why you have this strong feeling of affection and how you express your feeling of affection. The feeling of love isn't different only how you express it.
I think you're mistaken here. I don't want a baby with my sister and I don't want my wife to marry another man.
One desicribing their emotion toward someone else as 'love' purely identifies that you have a strong affection toward them.
Your relationship with them and how you choose to appropriately express this feeling of love is what the variable is. Not the idea of love itself.
I think your confusion is in not distinguishing the difference between the two.
But what is this ‘strong affection’?
When we say ‘love’, we are attributing a continuing strength to a particular relationship. When I say that I love a book, I’m describing the feeling or awareness of an ongoing relationship between everything that encompasses that book and everything that encompasses myself. The expression or manifestation of that relationship is clearly different from the one you may have with your wife, but both refer to a strong and ongoing connection that (in theory) transcends past, present and future ‘versions’ of either entity.
I believe that I will always feel a strong connection to that book, no matter what changes in my life or in the universe. It’s easy to say this about a book, because we believe that the strength of our relationship with that book lies in the actual contents of the book, which we assume will not change. We also find it easy to say this about a sister, because we believe the strength of that relationship lies in our biological and historical actualities, which (we also assume) will not change. When we ‘love’ a book, we recommend it to others, defend it against those who would harm it, and perceive its potential as somehow intertwined with our own: we can feel hurt when someone denigrates this book, or feel proud to declare our love for it.
But when we say ‘love’ about a husband or wife, the experience often feels very different. This difference is not in the strength of the emotion, but in our perception of the ‘actual’ relationship between two connected entities. Marriage represents a connection in ‘objective’ or actual reality, but ‘love’ really has nothing to do with actuality.
Some people ‘love’ another with the assumption that both entities will not change, and that the strength of their relationship lies in a physical attraction, or an attraction based on other actualities of their lives: our perception of their personality, sense of humour, lifestyle choices, beliefs, ideology, etc. Because people do change, and not just physically but in many other ways, they may eventually find themselves no longer ‘in love’ with that person, growing apart, unable to recognise the person they ‘fell in love’ with anymore.
I think that love between two people is recognising a strong relationship and actively affirming or attending to that connection independent of any actual changes that may occur to either entity. Love includes an awareness that this connection remains strong regardless what ‘version’ of that person shows up on the day, and even whether or not we acknowledge the existence of the connection.
To love another being is to recognise that they are an ever-changing entity, a work in progress, and so am I. It is to recognise that the strength of the relationship is not related to physiology or even personality, ideology, etc., but lies in the awareness that our own potential is forever intertwined with theirs, and their potential with ours - that even when this relationship appears to have no lasting physical or ‘actual’ attributes of connection, or even when it is damaged and causes pain, it continues to exist.
Hate, on the other hand, is a negative response to the same connection. To hate is also to recognise a strong relationship to another entity, but to actively deny or seek to damage that connection. Some people hate another with the assumption that both entities will not change, and that the strength of their hatred lies in the perceived distance between certain ‘actualities’ in themselves or in the other: physical attributes, personality, lifestyle choices, beliefs, ideology, etc...
Interconnection and interdependence exists regardless - Love derives from awareness and affirmation, Hate from ignorance or denial...
Love is far more than an emotion - but a self sacrifice, and dedication to something or someone. Love is a daily choice as one of my former teachers reminded me. If you love your dog or kid then you will have to sacrifice and do many things which you may not find that enjoyable & pleasurable. Not many people find it pleasurable to have to pick up their dogs poop, always pick up the doggy hairs and wipe their kids poopy butt, nor get up at 2am to feed their crying baby. But if you truly love them, then you are dedicated to them and will sacrifice yourself and other wants for that person, animal or goal. Love involves very tough, dispassionate critical thinking, self sacrifice, planning, hard work, and a lot of risk, sweat and tears (both happy and sad). It is not a whim
Whim: a capricious or eccentric and often sudden idea or turn of the mind
Hate is the FLIPSIDE of love. Love and hate are not exactly mutually exclusive- it is merely the inverse of love- the shadow of love. you can not really have love without hate- it is like trying to have Yang without Yin. In fact, in love you find things that you really hate- again who exactly "loves" to pick up dog poop? While love is about self sacrifice, hate is about the sacrifice of others for the goal or end
For example- if i hate robbers and robbery and love peace, truth, innocence & justice etc, i sacrifice the robbers for my goal of protecting truth, the innocent, peace and justice etc.
Love and hate without action is just a fleeting thought- or a fart.
Having come from the perspective of an interest in Jung's shadow I think that hate is just as complex as hate and is not lacking in variety as the Madfool suggests.
In particular, it can be a description of strong dislike to describe an object or a person, but without any harmful intent. On the other end of the scale it can be more toxic, with ill wishes and intent to harm. On the more harmful level it can be broken down as being a conglomeration of other emotions, including rage, jealousy and revenge, which come together to form the basis of hate. This is similar to the sentiments which lead to romantic love of eros, or the ones which result in agape.
Perhaps the reason it is not explored as much as love is because it lacks the romance of love. Also, perhaps those in its sway are too overpowered by it to become distant from it and the more critical minded tend to avoid it.
But hate has gained it's own following in horror and gothic fiction, especially in dark fantasy writing, such as that of Stephen King and Poppy Z Brite. If you explore these writers you will see the complexity of hatred. In music, hate is such a prevalent force in metal music and emo. Here, the use of hatred can range from teenage angst to romantic rebellion and a particularly form of hatred, in the form of self-hatred.
The subject of self hatred is central to the whole genre of 'emo' music, and emo is short for emotional hardcore, as demonstrated in the music of bands like My Chemical Romance, Bullet for My Valentine and many more. The self hatred here covers the whole spectrum of despair, battling with inner demons and suicidal tendencies. Of course we do not need to listen to emo music necessarily as we can learn about self hatred in real life stories of those who struggle in this way, especially those who self-harm. It would be too simplistic to say that people who self-harm just lack self love, because many describe feelings of release of hatred of self and others, as well as feelings of exhilaration or elation.
I would say that in some ways Flying Hawkseye is correct to say that hatred can be seen as the 'shadow of love' but I think it is complex, and does manifest in many forms of mental illness.
Going beyond Jung's ideas on the shadow, Melanie Klein analysed and traced it back to its original form in the split between love and hate in the child's feelings towards the mother. Here lies the paradox, but I am just saying hate is complex like love but perhaps we may be inclined to oversimpify hate because it may make us feel uncomfortable to explore its darkest depths.
Let me now, after that bout of fantasizing, return to the real world. We all know, for instance, that we love our sister (if we have one), our significant other (if we have one), our dog (if we have one), our car (if we have one), our god (if there is one). We see all these various ways of harboring positive emotions for someone/something as love; nevertheless, we also know that love for one's parents is not the same as love for a lover which itself is not the same as love for your dog, and so on.
Now, imagine that you hate your parents, your partner, your dog, and your car. The question is: is your hate for your parents different from your hate for your partner and is that any different from the hate for you dog or your car? Or is your hate indistinguishabe?
This state of affairs - that love having branched out into so many types like a beautiful ornamental tree in a garden with gorgeous blossoms and hate, just a dead seed lying in the ground, its pathetic barrenness only matched by the clear and present danger it harbors - must have an explanation. So long as no one puts an explanation on the table, it's a paradox.
In thinking about the various relationships you describe I believe that the various forms of love depend on the nature of the attachments we have and what we project on to various people or animals we love. Some of attachments may be about bonds, for example we may make certain friendships because we can identify with the particular individual, and their can be a unified experience of sharing. In a sense, perhaps all the basics of love begin with meaningful connections.
Of course, part of the criteria for love involves sexuality. This is obvious in the case of a partner, but possibly, to some extent, this is true of all relationships with other people (but not with one's dog hopefully.) Of course this does go back to the Freudian tradition but it does not have to be purely about the Oedipus complex, although it may be part of the picture.
But going away from that concept, we could say that all relationships are about self expression, and this has a sexual component. This would include same sex relationships too. Of course, many people would claim that they are completely heterosexual.Perhaps they are, in the sense that they would not have gay sex but there may be some homoerotic feelings at the basis of friendships, even though these might not be named by themselves in such terms.
As far as hate goes, perhaps the various forms of hate depend on why someone hates another and the degree of hate. For example, someone may feel a certain amount of hate towards someone who is more successful, but this may just be passing thoughts. On the other hand, someone may hate someone incredibly because they project onto others aspects of themselves they hate or fear. This may be what happens in the case of people becoming bullies,and in this example the victim may start to hate the bully. But the intensity of feelings and duration are probably significant to hate becoming a real problem.
But I do think that it is a paradox as you suggest. In particular, there can be complex ambivalence. For example, a person might have ambivalence to an aging parent. This could be a combination of affection, past sentimental memories as well as gratefulness in favour of love. But this could be combined with hate for possible hurts from the past, difficulty with watching the parent decline and feeling trapped by the demands of the care needs of the aging parent. So, ambivalence between love and hate can be based on the whole spectrum of emotionally charged experiences.
The whole depths of love and hate are so complicated. Perhaps the best we can do is try to be conscious of the emotions. Personally, I try to aim to seek loving thoughts rather than dwell on hateful ones. But not to the point of denying them entirely. I think that mindfulness is helpful here. But of course, we need a bit of release, which can include talking to others which can be helpful, but this varies depending on their own mindset. And, for dealing with love and hate and it's difficulties that is where a bit of music comes in. I definitely have my heavy metal days.....