The Ballad of Marco by Michael
[Editor Note: This story is actually below the specified word count. This is no fault of the entrant but mine for not noticing.]
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Marco. Marco was a perfectly ordinary boy except for the fact that he was an annoying fucking twat. None of the other boys and girls liked to play with Marco and so they kicked him out of their group. There was much rejoicing.
But Marco, being an annoying fucking twat, couldn’t just accept it. Day after day he would try to weasel his way back in – no offence meant to weasels – with a new name, hoping to trick the other boys and girls into liking him. But it never worked – for Marco had a very telling tell; he was an annoying fucking twat. And so day after day he was unceremoniously kicked out anew.
Yet he kept on coming. They say it was because he had no friends and no life, which was probably true; he was an annoying fucking twat after all. His only company were the pigs and goats on the farm where he went to hide. They understandably didn’t like him either.
Thankfully the other boys and girls were much smarter than Marco. To keep him away they created five guardian puzzles that must first be solved before anyone new could join their group. This made things very hard for Marco. He wasn’t very clever and so he often failed to solve even one puzzle. There was much rejoicing.
Yet he kept on coming.
Then one day, on Christmas Eve, he stopped, and nobody ever saw Marco again. He’d fallen asleep on the farm and been eaten by the goats and pigs. There was much rejoicing.
And this is the true story of why the pig and the goat are sacred animals to this very special community. They’ll eat anything, even annoying fucking twats like Marco.
This wasn’t actually a ballad. Merry Christmas!
Once upon a time there lived a boy named Marco. Marco was a perfectly ordinary boy except for the fact that he was an annoying fucking twat. None of the other boys and girls liked to play with Marco and so they kicked him out of their group. There was much rejoicing.
But Marco, being an annoying fucking twat, couldn’t just accept it. Day after day he would try to weasel his way back in – no offence meant to weasels – with a new name, hoping to trick the other boys and girls into liking him. But it never worked – for Marco had a very telling tell; he was an annoying fucking twat. And so day after day he was unceremoniously kicked out anew.
Yet he kept on coming. They say it was because he had no friends and no life, which was probably true; he was an annoying fucking twat after all. His only company were the pigs and goats on the farm where he went to hide. They understandably didn’t like him either.
Thankfully the other boys and girls were much smarter than Marco. To keep him away they created five guardian puzzles that must first be solved before anyone new could join their group. This made things very hard for Marco. He wasn’t very clever and so he often failed to solve even one puzzle. There was much rejoicing.
Yet he kept on coming.
Then one day, on Christmas Eve, he stopped, and nobody ever saw Marco again. He’d fallen asleep on the farm and been eaten by the goats and pigs. There was much rejoicing.
And this is the true story of why the pig and the goat are sacred animals to this very special community. They’ll eat anything, even annoying fucking twats like Marco.
This wasn’t actually a ballad. Merry Christmas!
Comments (67)
While in the meantime the other half of the board participants said, including the moderators, organizers, owners and other authority figures, "Hesus, it's about me. How can I hide my shame?"
Caveat: this is not my view of others. It's how I imagine they view themselves. How do I know? Because I view myself this way as shown in the story.
Don't much like these cliched happy endings either. Twat annoys everyone then gets eaten by goats and pigs. Been done a million times. Prefer mine a little darker.
Author eventually revealed to be a mod; the 'story' an in-joke.
https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/637540
Original comments stand; to be read keeping above note in mind.
The Ballad of Marco
Quoting Baden
No, it wasn't a ballad but it did have a recurring refrain or motif.
'Marco' is a repetitive and persistent 'annoying fucking twat' not liked by a 'very special community'.
Rejected to 'much rejoicing', he 'tricked' his way back not once, not twice but the magical 3 times until the 4th...by changing his name...
Sound familiar ?
A Ballad of Jesse James, this is not. Nor is it a ballad of Marco Polo.
It is a steady drip-drip-drip. If you are unkind, 'Chinese Water Torture' might spring to mind.
No pleasing sound of a song to dance to. No joyful spirit.
No Bush Ballad 'Waltzing Matilda' is this. But it isn't meant to be.
Clearly a reference to TPF and a sense of not being accepted.
[Note well, this is my mere opinion *]
Rejection personified and projected on to a 'Marco'; someone he sympathises with, yet who tricked him.
A hurt, sensitive and yet strong writer who carries on believing and wishing everyone a 'Merry Christmas'.
Wonderful sharing. Thanks for the mocking come back. A telling tell tale :smile:
Quite admirable but a change in thinking pattern might go a long way.
As [s]Marco[/s] Marcus Aurelius would say:
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
*
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
Take care. Live well and safely :sparkle:
[ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/17212.Marcus_Aurelius
but better to read the longer story - the Meditations ]
Many of the readers won’t be aware of the TPF drama behind this story, but otherwise: :clap:
????? ! :wink:
Hypnotic, huh :yawn:
The buzz of a bee with a sting in its tale.
Yes. He has insight and a way with words which draw you in...to his world.
Brave, really, to so expose self...the pain, mixed with humour, is felt.
:broken: >>> :groan: >>> :smile: >>> :razz: >>> :nerd: >>> :heart:
Easy to have and write opinionated comment. Short story telling is on another level. Right up there !
I admire all who do this :100:
I might have to disagree with you here. I admire your dedication and skill in commenting on these stories so constructively. I find I can’t do it very easily myself. By habit or whatever it is, I seem to focus too much on the negatives. I don’t think my criticisms are wrong, it’s just that I don’t balance them out with positive and helpful comments. So I tend to refrain from commenting at all, as I know how important it is not to put people off.
EDIT: btw I’m talking in general here, not specifically about this competition. It’s not like for every story I haven’t commented on I have a raft of vicious criticisms.
I think I can live with that :grin:
Quoting jamalrob
You are a most brilliantly balanced personage, so you are.
Very kind indeedy. So there :razz:
Now shut up and carry on commenting :up:
You could have read the second comment, right after John27's, and the message would haver revealed itself to you.
I am glad that eventually you came to the same conclusion.
I liked this piece the best, for it was short, to the point, and its punch did not get lost in the myriads of words like in the other pieces I read.
"Words, words, words."
Are you by any chance a professional editrix, critic or literar? A woman of letters? Essayist?
Noticing your preferences, Baden, I have a novel published that you would like to buy. But I shall put it on public display here, in its entirety, for your ease of access to it:
"Twat gets fucked. The End."
It sold upwards of two hundred thousand copies already.
No.
Writing letters, I used to love.
A correspondent could add letters to my name, if they knew what they were.
But this would puzzle the postie. Who is this ?
Only academic essays written, a lifetime ago.
Why do you ask ?
Do you think I could be a literary essayist ?
I have scant imagination for fiction. Nada.
I enjoy reading, thinking and writing here. Strange but true.
I knew you were not a writer of fiction, but a responder to it. This is more intuited than I could support with reasons. But my earlier question to you I can explain:
Why I asked?
1. I find your points are spot on.
2. You have a unique, creative, and enaging and refreshing way to express your opinions. Enthused, uplifting, full of alacrity.
3. You are quick in your response, and hence, either a natural at it or experienced. Naturally smooth in the seamlessness, or else chiselled or well-oiled by experience.
4. Finally, last but not least, you're just as emotional as cerebral. Your posts are dripping with feelings and supportive praise, but not at all with empty compliments.
Hard to find these days.
Consider me bemused and stunned. But best get on with the job at hand, eh :wink:
Thanks.
The only letters to add to your name that come up naturally are "-ville Horror". Title of an old movie.Quoting Amity
Essayists need no imagination, only keen insight and an ability to see things when they read. Only someone blind could not see that you have that.
Anyone with a college education can add letters to their names, to trail them, and the letters are more and more diverse. So the field is wide open. Then again, you said it would confuse the mailperson. Be he or she a maleperson or a felmaleperson. That's a clue, and I know I still won't get it, but I'll work on it before giving up. Could it be you have a short Asian name, and the letters after your name would spell an expletive in English? This is the first thing that popped into my head.
I got a theory about this Marco guy. He doesn't exist. He never did. He's some sort of mass delusion. Every time a light bulb burns out, a car cuts you off, or it's suddenly too chilly in your bedroom, Marco did it! You people have created your own religion with it's own gods and demons in the form of this Marco delusion. Enough already! Also the possibility that jamalrob is actually a closet masochist who answers to the name "Marco" is not entirely off the table either.
Just the thoughts of a man who refused to respond "polo".
Damn, thats deep.
:up:
That's what I focused on. Not sure what the rest of the story was going on about.
Sad to say, there's nothing particularly creative about that insult.
But yes, the author can be 'trying' in so many ways.
I hope he feels better for having got it out of his system...writing therapy, huh.
Oh, so now I think I got it all wrong :cry:
@Baden :naughty:
Yep. Trouble with having a particular person in mind as an author, it can trip you up.
Tunnel vision.
I got it bad.
Gotta love all the references to 'idiot' or 'eejit'.
That eejit. C'est moi :cry: .
How will I ever cope with this realisation?
Writing therapy :wink:
But it works if 'Marco' is a plant in a fictional story, right ? :wink:
I find it easy to make a shorter and more depressing story.
Example?
Mom, why are you giving me cupcakes in June?
Marco, do you think that with your cancer you will eat it to Christmas?
That's a joke and it doesn't work.
A goat screamed and wretched as it trembled to its knees amongst the brush. Black blood gushed from its mouth as its eyes gleaned with brimstone fire. Marco, now digested by an animal soul, was resurrecting into something new and horrid. Bones twisted and cracked as the sinews of Marco's new flesh brought him upright onto his hairy hind quarters.
"The story must go on..." a demonic voice echoed in Marco's horny head. "I've gifted you with the curse of twat contagion. Go make twats of them all and bring them into the fold of my dominion."
Hah. Excellent example of Misdirection.
Could easily be written by you !
Yes indeed.
From@jamalrob
Whatever.
The whole thing has become a joke; no longer participating. Bye.
Who exactly are you upset with? Most authors participated in good faith and have no doubt appreciated your comments. Don't throw the baby out.
It was a mod, but I didn't notice it was a bit under. I wasnt being super strict about the word count. Though I did reject a mod story the last time round for being under it because it was obvious. It's true though that I didn't take it seriously as with the AI story the last time.
The author was just having a laugh and it's not his fault I didn't notice the word count, but we should probably tar and feather him anyway to take the attention off me. :party:
[Mod Note: This story was not written in good faith but as a moderator in-joke and just to have a laugh (or whatever). Considering the comments, it's probably an effective attempt to do that for the mods, so it will be left alone regardless of the harm. Oh, and the author didn’t even bother to meet the minimum word count and that’s okay because, well, to be honest, it’s okay because we’re mods. Tehee. :snicker: ]
Very funny... But why then did I reject fdrake's story for being too short (in the previous competition). Last time I looked he's a mod too (and even from "The British Isles!"). Riddle me that, Sherlock.
Elementary, my dear Baden, you simply didn’t like it as much.
Meh, as mentioned, didn't fancy the happy ending. Much Hollywood. Like mine darker and Frencher. Marco should have lived and spoke French more.
Whatever you say, Mr. Wonka.
Oh chèvre !
Tes bleets inaudibles déchirent le cœur
de l'homme,
Comme la nature s'enfonce dans les champs du vide.
:love: Ah, le terrible infini nous consume tous. Les chèvres et les cochons mâchent les restes.
:fire: Careful, someone will steal that and make it an NFT. Then they will buy a metaphorical crown and relax in their new found millions as they enjoy the strange love children of the Ballad of Marco.
"Listen here son. We owe our wealth to a happy accident, a twat, named Marco."
Did you do that before reading the story?
No, it was the French poetry that got me doodling.
Brilliant analysis! Best I’ve read in here yet: the author takes the mod note to my story as an exemplar, and modifies it to exactly describe the cliquish little community that produced and fostered this one—absolutely spot-on and brilliant.
Ah, thank you for the kind compliment. I'm no Saint Telemachus but sometimes a person must take a stand against tyranny and uphold the virtues of truth and fairness!
Yeah, Saint Takethepiss more like.
Yeah, this from the guy that let Leghorn make him look like a fool with his mod note.
It was a joke not an insult.
Not to worry. I shouldn't take trans-atlantic translatability for granted when it comes to British and Irish slang :up: