You are viewing the historical archive of The Philosophy Forum.
For current discussions, visit the live forum.
Go to live forum

Untitled by darthbarracuda

Baden August 02, 2021 at 14:57 1975 views 13 comments Short Story Competition
His name was Auguste. He was born in February in a town called Widdeneck. No siblings. When he was eight years old his mother was hit by a car while out buying groceries and never came back. His father worked as a barkeep at a pub.

Auguste ran the hundred-meter dash in grade school, he was fast enough that he was given a scholarship to the university. Studied business because he didn’t know what else to do. Short fling with a girl called Ruth, fizzled out. He didn’t make it far in college on account of an ankle injury he got during a practice session in the second month, ruptured Achilles. He was let go from the team and shortly after dropped out of school. False start. His disability and his lack of a degree limited his employment, nobody wanted a cripple or a washout.

He knew enough about cars, like the one that ran over his mother, to snag a job as a mechanic. Things were going okay. Lonely. He liked to watch the birds though he stopped doing that after what happened with the lawnmower. Occasionally an old acquaintance from school would visit and they would go out to the movies or a restaurant and after he would offer them to spend the night but they would politely decline and then leave in a big hurry.

One day at his job he screwed up on the car of a rich guy, really messed it up bad, the boss flew into a rage and fired him on the spot. You worthless piece of shit, get the fuck out. Auguste called his father that evening to tell him the bad news, but he didn’t pick up. He drove over to his home and knocked but nobody answered, the door was locked so he had to climb through the window with his bad ankle. He found him in the tub, naked and blue. His head was beneath the surface of the water. Coroner said he had suffocated during a seizure. Auguste didn’t have the money or the relatives for a funeral so he had the body cremated and the dust tossed into a lake.

He found more work as a salesman at a retail store, and after that as a cab driver. A year and a half later he met Catty, they had a kid and tumbled into a marriage but it didn’t work out and Catty left him for good one night after he gave her a smack and he learned a couple days later that she had jumped out of a hotel window. Auguste put the kid up for adoption and never saw him again.

He stopped praying. Alcohol. Sometimes he drove the cab sober but he kept the bottle under the front seat in case he changed his mind. When the war broke out he was drafted but his ankle kept him from going south with the rest of them. He stayed behind as an aircraft mechanic at the training facilities. He died when a box of ammunition fell and crushed him. He was forty-eight.

Comments (13)

gikehef947 August 02, 2021 at 16:26 ¶ #574524
Synopsis: Auguste from Widdeneck was such an ugly child, so ugly, that when the doctor was born he said: "If he doesn't cry in ten minutes, he's a tumor".
praxis August 02, 2021 at 18:34 ¶ #574575
Sad story but couldn't help a chuckle or two. I guess that makes me a bad person.
180 Proof August 02, 2021 at 19:17 ¶ #574598
And so it goes.
god must be atheist August 02, 2021 at 20:30 ¶ #574616
Nice, realistic story. Never had to force myself to keep on reading, it captured my interest. While it was entertaining, I found no moral lesson in it. And so it goes... maybe the lesson is the randomness of events life hands you and you cope with them for there is nothing else to do. I dunno.
_db August 03, 2021 at 00:06 ¶ #574688
And so it goes, indeed.

Reply to gikehef947 :lol: :100:
Outlander August 03, 2021 at 10:35 ¶ #574822
I feel the author of this one knew what he was doing. That said, it's easy to depress people in this life, significantly more challenging, requiring much more skill, to uplift, inspire, or make them content. Especially with words. At least he didn't become a mass shooter or serial killer. That's an important lesson.

Though I feel a good metaphorical interpretation with well placed symbolism could easily turn this into a feel good story. Though, it would appear some prefer this version. No comment.
Hanover August 03, 2021 at 15:59 ¶ #574899
The story sounded like it was based in some degree of truth with added exaggerations just from the realistic way it presented. The comic relief (e.g. he worked on the types of car that killed his mother) made it complicated, because it wasn't clear if it was meant as satire or whether I was supposed to care about the sad sack. His death was random, which fit the theme of the meaninglessness of his life, but it also limited the story's length. I would have liked to hear more of the bad things that might have befallen him because that was entertaining in a dark sort of way. I liked that the guy had no redeeming qualities (particularly at how he gave away his now burdensome child), which kept this from turning into a modern day Job story.
Noble Dust August 04, 2021 at 23:04 ¶ #575485
Definitely some Hemmingway vibes here. It's depressing, but I appreciate the realistic depiction of a normal, every day life. It feels like there's some value to that.
Amity August 06, 2021 at 10:34 ¶ #576083
'Untitled'.

First thought - is the author being lazy, unimaginative or does this title add to the story in some way.
Could say I was hooked already...

So, the character is named straight away. No title.

Quoting Baden
His name was Auguste. He was born in February in a town called Widdeneck. No siblings. When he was eight years old his mother was hit by a car while out buying groceries and never came back. His father worked as a barkeep at a pub.


Begins well...basic background with the source of any problems to come. Loss.

Quoting Baden
Auguste ran the hundred-meter dash in grade school, he was fast enough that he was given a scholarship to the university...He was let go from the team and shortly after dropped out of school. False start. His disability and his lack of a degree limited his employment, nobody wanted a cripple or a washout.


Apparently a 'good' start to life but 'false' - it turns out 'bad'...or does it...
Maybe. Reminds me of the Zen Farmer's Story.
Enjoyed the simple 2-worder - drives it home. From fast start to 'False start'.

Just like the sharp 'Lonely'.
The loss of his mother still very much in his mind.

Quoting Baden
He knew enough about cars, like the one that ran over his mother, to snag a job as a mechanic. Things were going okay. Lonely.


The lawnmower cutting in was fun, a dark relief.

Quoting Baden
...he screwed up on the car of a rich guy, really messed it up bad, the boss flew into a rage and fired him on the spot.


Was this revenge. Avenger. For his Mum ? Or simple envy.
Getting to really care about this character - where is his head-ing. Untitled.
--------
Until this. Now pretty damned callous. Heart turned cold.

Quoting Baden
Catty left him for good one night after he gave her a smack and he learned a couple days later that she had jumped out of a hotel window. Auguste put the kid up for adoption and never saw him again.


The plot is far from predictable. No letting up.

Quoting Baden
He stopped praying. Alcohol.


So, he was a believer. Who knew. Again, loved the short, snappy single word which says it all.
'Alcohol' the Comforter.

Quoting Baden
When the war broke out he was drafted but his ankle kept him from going south with the rest of them. He stayed behind as an aircraft mechanic at the training facilities. He died when a box of ammunition fell and crushed him. He was forty-eight.


Lucky then unlucky. Fate. So it goes. Indeed.
'Untitled' - of no significance in the grand scheme of things.

This story captured my interest, mind and emptions all the way. So sad, so real, so surreal...

Thanks :sparkle:























180 Proof August 06, 2021 at 20:46 ¶ #576294
Reminds me of "Flight" ... two entries, same author?
thewonder August 09, 2021 at 17:32 ¶ #577931
I think that you could've better highlighted a set of scenes from someone's relatively short life for a short story. It's a pretty good concept, though.
praxis August 09, 2021 at 21:55 ¶ #578000
User image
Sir2u August 10, 2021 at 00:13 ¶ #578037
And life goes on until it doesn't anymore.

Could the death be called "death by friendly fire"? Killed by the bullets used to defend his country.