Why Be Happy?
First off, let's distinguish happiness from contentment. Contentment is being ok with whatever comes your way, i.e., happiness comes, happiness goes...sadness comes, sadness goes. It's just life. It's all ok.
The state of happiness, though, is a departure from the norm, e.g., you just met the one of nicest, most beautiful girls ever and she actually likes you! You are VERY happy. For three months, you are her are inseparable and you have fallen deeply for this angel descended from the heavens until she meets Mr. (or Dr.) Everything andpoof, she (and the illusion of her) is g o n e.
What happened to your happiness? Where did it go?
The pursuit of happiness that defines much of Western culture doesn't really seem to be thought out very well. This obsession (particularly prevalent among females of our species) is a package deal. Along with your pound of happiness comes an equal measure of sadness. One cannot exist without the other.
Although it's obvious that Madison Avenue attempts to package and sell happiness at every turn, one might think that people would eventually catch-on and get off the merry-go-round of ups and downs that seem to create so much emotional instability.
If happiness results in sadness, why be happy?
The state of happiness, though, is a departure from the norm, e.g., you just met the one of nicest, most beautiful girls ever and she actually likes you! You are VERY happy. For three months, you are her are inseparable and you have fallen deeply for this angel descended from the heavens until she meets Mr. (or Dr.) Everything andpoof, she (and the illusion of her) is g o n e.
What happened to your happiness? Where did it go?
The pursuit of happiness that defines much of Western culture doesn't really seem to be thought out very well. This obsession (particularly prevalent among females of our species) is a package deal. Along with your pound of happiness comes an equal measure of sadness. One cannot exist without the other.
Although it's obvious that Madison Avenue attempts to package and sell happiness at every turn, one might think that people would eventually catch-on and get off the merry-go-round of ups and downs that seem to create so much emotional instability.
If happiness results in sadness, why be happy?
Comments (61)
For this exact point, I'd say your line of reasoning, at least in the context of this example is flawed. Happiness is not illusion (or is it?), some argue happiness is not illusion (though it is subjective, some even reduce it [emotion] to scientific terms expressed as chemical balances or imbalances), but ignoring that possibility for a moment. The more seemingly true yet false sources of happiness one removes from their life, mathematically/absolutely the closer one becomes to true happiness. Which is again subjective. Right? To me, you can't have happiness with unpredictability. And you can't have unpredictability without possibility of failure, misery, or misfortune. It's a cosmic dance the two opposing forces, feelings, and/or moods are forever intertwined in, the final result a one-of-a-kind tapestry that is "one's life". Reminds me of an old song, "Dire Straits - Walk of Life".
Quoting synthesis
You open a philosophical Pandora's Box with this question. Why be more than a single-celled microorganism while we're at it. Or a cat. Or a fish. Why even be alive? Because, you know you love it.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy.
What you call contentment I think is a mature understanding of happiness.
I am not sure that happiness is just about achieving goals and desires because many people achieve these and are not happy. Perhaps the Buddha was right in seeing craving as a source of suffering.
However, we are likely to become depressed when we are unable to fulfill any of our dreams and I don't think it is that simple to try to eradicate desires and cravings, even with meditation. In many instances it may be conscious experience of unhappiness which brings us to some awareness of what will bring us happiness. Of course, it may be that when we have fulfilled these dreams that we are not as happy as we thought that we would be, but a certain experiences of satisfaction may be attained, which is far better than the misery and despair of being unable to fulfill satisfaction at all.
What communication via language does not?
Quoting Pantagruel
Contentment is being ok with whatever presents in life, and I would agree that this realization should come with maturity, but Western culture does not seem to be advocating such, instead, it offers the idea that attaining a state of happiness should be one's raison d'entre (and of course, nobody can maintain such a state, so it's the perfect lure).
For me I think it's better to look at what leads to a life of contentment. We can read of characters who were historically contented from autobiographies. We can see how much happiness was in their lives. In general I have found that fulfillment is what makes people contented, and the inevitable sad times that come with the happy times are mitigated by ones having a genuine sense of purpose.
Although there is nothing wrong with happiness and pleasure, it can never take the place of doing what we must in order to achieve those things that bring us a sense of overall well-being...like working hard, eating well, getting regular exercise, having a spiritual life, and helping others (among other things), that is, living your life with meaningful purpose.
This puts happiness in it's correct place as an occasional dessert to be savored, not the main course day after day after day where it loses it appeal just like every other drug.
Life is what it is and will hit all of us with all kinds of stuff. In order to be in position to enjoy the good and deal effectively with the not-so-good, you have to fortify your center. That way, you will not overly attach to the good (and be crushed when that is over), and be strong enough to deal with the not-so-good so you can be whole once it finally departs, as well.
Aha, so it is really a cultural issue then.
I'm of a stoical disposition - IMO, stoicism is the route and recipe to true happiness.
I dunno some people have all the luck. Perfect life, finances, career, relationships, etc. Then perhaps they get fatally impacted by a sudden falling asteroid. Though the happiness technically did end, seeing as the life it was enjoyed in did, it's almost like it didn't. Lol. There was never any unhappiness in this hypothetical (yet existent albeit rare) scenario.
We all arrive and depart this plane (of existence) alone, so you might have something there!
The Grand Illusion.
Nobody gets a free pass in this life.
That's a good way of putting it. And in spiritual terms, centering ones self. Grounding is important.
And for that we also have to remember to physically ground ourselves by walking barefoot at times. Spiritually grounding by shutting off all the media and madness and being truly alone with the universe. Meditation is certainly a way.
he wasn't suggesting something on the order of "you just met the one of nicest, most beautiful girls ever and she actually likes you!" Of course, finding an exciting partner is a very good experience, and everyone would like that. But Jefferson was plumbing deeper water, drawing on John Locke's
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Some of these good things are granted to us--life--and others are obtained collectively--liberty, health and the 'indolence' (ease, comfort, or pleasure) of the body. Striving to obtain these good things individually and collectively is the first part of happiness; actually obtaining and enjoying them is the second part.
So, sure -- one part of happiness is (privately) feeling good. And the other part is being productively and publicly engaged.
The benefit of shutting off the media can't be over-stated. The various 'platforms' used to interact are not designed to be beneficial to us (even if they can be). They are designed to generate traffic and exploit us to make money.
Recently, it's been bitterly cold. Day after day, bone chilling cold. Then the weather broke and the temperature rose to 13'C.
Still pretty cold? Hell, no! It was like the Bahamas.
That's how happiness works.
Fleeting moments of positive contrast.
YES, but does happiness always result directly in sadness? Does any particular emotion or mood state necessarily follow another? It seems to me that what could follow immediately in the wake of a happy period is complacency, boredom, sadness, contentment , or myriad other states. By the same token, contentment could be followed by sadness , happiness , boredom, etc.
Another argument in favor of going for happiness depends on whether you can buy into the idea that happiness is connected with personal growth. , that is , that pleasant experience is associated in some small way with more or less lasting positive changes in one’s self-understanding and approach to life. In fact Madison Ave has caught onto this way of marketing. They discovered that Millennials in particular are less interested in possessions than in meaningful experiences, so everything becomes an experience ( shopping experience, internet experience). If there’s truth to this way of looking at happiness , the. even if a particular bout of happiness is followed by sadness , it’s not a zero sum game and in the long run, going as aggressively as possible for the happiness of self-transformative growth will be a better strategy than settling for caution.
Here's one of the great all-time examples of this cycle...
...Monday (sucks), Tuesday (a bit better), Wednesday (hump day), Thursday (it's Friday tomorrow), Friday (TGIF), Saturday (Yeah!!), Sunday (oh no, tomorrow is Monday)...
The example doesn't matter. It holds regardless. Any movement towards the "positive" must have an equal movement back towards the "negative," i.e., there's no free lunch :).
I used the example I did because it's generally one to which nearly everyone can relate.
What to you, would be happiness. It wouldn't be anything you've experienced because then you'd know or at least be able to rationalize why not everything is so simple. I've posted this a good two times (actually probably only one here), in fact I summed it up quite well previously, though again it could be a simple parroted derivative of the piece I'm about to show, but...
No not everything can be reduced or explained in a sentence, a few, or even a video, but- when it comes to things that have been omnipresent since the beginning of time, sometimes people manage to peg one or more things down.
Yeah, but what about orgasm? Intense pleasure morphs into deep relaxation(depending on who you’re with, of course) and then maybe sleep. No necessary transition to sadness or letdown
Why? How? Where did this come from?
To me, happiness is a feeling people get when they believe something good (or positive) has happened in their behalf. It is more often then not mere illusion and melds quite nice with my favorite aphorism from Mark Twain...
"Some of the worst things in my life never happened."
It would be negligent to assume that life is not a cornucopia of things good and bad happening each moment so no one event exists in a vacuum.
On the ledger of good/bad feelings, it all works out.
And besides, if orgasms were the answer, you might have more folks dedicating much of their time to this activity.
It seems to be how the Universe works.
This isn't rocket science (we are not dealing with moving masses). The reverse should be true in your scheme that terrible grief should lead to immense happiness, and joy should be followed by sadness. That isn't how my universe works.
In my universe, there is a 'base line' of emotion which is neither positive nor negative; it's neutral. Neutral isn't bad, it's just... in the middle. At rest. Various causes (events, memories, people who stimulate our gonads, nice surprises, bad surprises, people who scare us into action, etc.) stimulate an intensity of emotions which are no longer neutral. Emotions are not as specific as proteins, enzymes, or cell types. Emotions are complex, not simple as in; happy, sad, love, fear, and so forth.
The movement of emotions in my universe is between arousal and rest. Intensely negative emotions once aroused will eventually subside -- not into their opposite, but into their resting state--present but not active.
People who have been through really difficult periods in their lives are often able to handle other issues in their lives (going forward) with a much higher degree of skill. In going through these trying periods, people learn to adapt, add skills and coping mechanisms, as well as, have realizations specific to their experiences.
One negative occurrence does not have to immediately follow a positive one (although it can). Sometimes, it may take a lifetime to reveal.
And it is actually how your universe works, you just haven't been around long enough to realize it. This is why everybody should have a natural respect for older people (which used to be the case).
First off, I'm happy to know that our members responding to this thread embody this:
Quoting Pantagruel
I will not quote them all, but the above should make my point. One cannot have a feeling of contentment without at the same time being happy. But often, I think, we have a misplaced understanding of happiness. By misunderstanding, I mean, we might for example, call infatuation an instance of happiness, or the high we get when we are in a fun activity (clean and dirty, both, lol), when we're at a party that lasts all night, during holidays when we're shopping, getting together with families, and eating our favorite holiday food. These are not cases of happiness. But short-lived enjoyment that we can benefit from, from time to time.
Happiness is a long-term situation, it's a mature understanding of the state of affairs and how nature works, it's acceptance of all this with a feeling of "I'll be okay" or "I'm okay with it". When you reached this moment of acceptance of your condition, you have contentment, and you are 'happy'.
Of course no one says to accept a wretched condition -- if you find yourself in this situation, please do something to get out of it. Contentment requires work. Don't just accept your situation, work on it, until you can honestly tell yourself "I'm okay".
Much of this is a matter of definition, but contentment can exist without happiness. Take the person who can have a number of serious health issues but has made peace with them. They can be content, but not necessarily happy.
I disagree. Rationalization is much a strategy to remedy a situation. "Has made peace with them" is not gonna cut it for this happiness -- this is not contentment, but acceptance when all else failed.
This may be true however do we agree that these two states, happiness and unhappiness, cannot co-exist in the same mind, body, at the same time and place? That is to say, there is a single door of "mood" or "feeling" with only one being able to reside within at once. Not to say one could not merely be passing through with the other close behind.. simply that, yeah the answer of "both" to the question of "are you happy or unhappy?" is generally not applicable.
If you agree with this, then my point was, by having "made peace with them [sources of unhappiness]" you have now removed any obstacle to achieving "happiness" and are now on the path toward it. At the very least making it considerably more reachable.
But you are skewing what we call happiness by equating "made peace with" with contentment. A dying person goes through stages of the process of dying -- the final stage is acceptance of the inevitable. This is not happiness.
Then how can anybody be content (or happy) in such an imperfect world?
I'm 75; just how old do I have to get?
I think we're losing signal here. What's a perfect wold to you?
There is always something to be happy or sad about. Very nice homes throughout the West are full of older folks that (even if they have checked-off all the boxes) are neither happy nor content.
Contentment is a state that generally takes a great deal of work and persistence, as opposed to happiness which is widely available (with free 2-day shipping!).
Philosopher Philipp Mainlander - 1841 to 1876 - had stated in his only work, "The Philosophy of Redemption", that, as a consequence of existence itself, Non-Existence is the end result - aka Death -, Man should embrace death and therefore, not to be happy, as this would only be an attempt to fight the inevitable, which would create disgrace and anguish in the life of this individual, therefore, not happiness would only facilitate his acceptance of eventual eternity.
Schopenhauer - 1788 to 1860 - states that the search for happiness brings suffering, and therefore, Man should avoid both happiness and suffering.
My point with these two explanations is to show that the concept of "happiness" is completely utopian; metaphysical. It is a false hope to disgrace the miserable and exacerbate the strongest - if used as purpose -.
Man seeks a concept which he already experiences part of it without knowing.
It is not by chance that Man can only be happy, but not be happiness.
Happiness is what explains what motivates you to wake up and get up every day. It is the light of a lighthouse. If you don't see that light and you don't aspire for it to enlighten you, you won't mind being alive or dead.
You must have a young spirit! :)
I do it to annoy all the grumpy types. Also because it more peaceful than being angry all the time.
Happiness, in therapy, is often associated with acceptance and commitment: don't struggle or fight with the unchangeable past and commit to quality of life (mental health) in the present...
Happiness is brain massage and brain health (neurotransmitters) as well as simplicity for mental health (not depressed, yet can accept a range of emotions), and great in relationships... What brings happiness? How is happiness experienced/created?
Happiness can be the stability when there is a known spectrum between STRIFE and LOVE....in life...
Many see either happiness or sadness. There is also contentment which can involve neither. Nobody really knows what happiness is despite all the science that tells us, this, that, and the other thing. What can be realized is that happiness and sadness arrive hand-in-hand. When the former is spent, the later makes its presence known.
Quoting synthesis
Happiness results from an experience that is pleasurable. It is the emotional pleasure that the experience provides that makes us happy. Conversely sadness results from displeasurable ( painful ) experience. Every moment of life is an experience, so every moment of life is either pleasurable or displeasurable or something in between. We are a pain averse, pleasure seeking creature. The pain -pleasure spectrum that we land upon as a function of experience is what provides impetus to life, in my opinion.
?
"Nature has placed mankind under the governance of two sovereign masters, pain and pleasure. It is for them alone to point out what we ought to do as well as to determine what we shall do. "
Jeremy Bentham 1789.
Happiness seems to be like a place which we like but where we're persona non grata. So, we always look for reasons, even excuses, to go there but our stay there is short, too short to satisfy us, and we're chased off no sooner than we arrive, and we, in response, constantly look for another reason to go there but then, again, we're deported as it were. Lather, rinse, repeat. The question is, when should we give up?
That's a very nice opinion but happiness is a state-of mind. Since all things knowable arise and pass away, so must happiness. In it's place is left (fill in the blank).
It seems as if the strategy to avoid pain and seek pleasure is not working out so very well. What do you think? Perhaps seeking the middle and being ok with whatever happens your way might be a tad bit easier on the heart (literally and figuratively).
If you seek contentment, you can be 100% with happiness when it comes and 100% with sadness when it comes. The key is letting each go, otherwise you will fall into the cycle of birth and death of both over and over and over...
Every moment of life is an experience with its corresponding feeling.
The interesting thing about this is that it is an internal feeling - one persons pleasure is another persons pain. What makes one person happy, is not guaranteed to do the same for another.
In Yogic logic happiness is not dependent upon external causes, but can be elicited at will, with some practice.
I see. Are you 100% with happiness or 100% with sadness?
Regardless of its cause, happiness comes and happiness goes. The key is in letting it go in its own time. If you attach to the feeling and morn its loss, this is the suffering. The same applies to all feelings.
Both. Happiness and sadness are normal parts of life. When either arises, you be with them fully, when they are done, you let them go fully (by moving on).
. Being happy is up to you. It’s a choice you make, and it really is that simple. No one but you is responsible for your happiness, and no one but you can choose to be happy.
. Happiness is man's nature. You need not worry about happiness at all, it is already there. It is in your heart – you just have to stop being unhappy, you have to stop the mechanism functioning which creates unhappiness.
. People come to me and they say - "I keep searching for happiness but not finding it ... What shall I do?"
. Seeking, you will never find it. Finding, or the effort to find it, is a serious thing. It is here! – you need not find it. Start enjoying it! Start being cheerful this very moment! Don't try to find it, because if you try to find it you will remain serious. How can a seeker be non-serious?
. You are searching for happiness and laughter and joy – you have to be serious, otherwise how will you search? Meanwhile you will remain serious, and the seriousness is getting stronger every moment. Tomorrow again you will search; but one day has passed – twenty-four hours' more conditioning of seriousness is on you. You will find less laughter tomorrow; the day after tomorrow it will become even more difficult…and so on and so forth. And you will always be searching and seeking and trying to find.
. Just be cheerful this moment! Just see the point of it! Don't postpone it – these are tricks of postponing. You don't want to be happy; you still want to remain unhappy. You still want some new excuse to be unhappy. Now this is the excuse: ‘I am searching for happiness, I am searching for joy. Right now I am unhappy. I will be happy when I have found – but how can I be happy right now? I will have to find, and the journey is long and the path is arduous, an uphill task.’ So you can be happy with your unhappiness right now, and tomorrow we will see ... and tomorrow never comes.
. Please, understand this ...
. The more you ask for happiness, the more you will be in suffering. The suffering is a shadow. The greater the desire for happiness, the greater will be the shadow. Ask for happiness and you will never get it. You will suffer frustration. Why? – because there is only one way to be happy, and that is to be happy here.
. Happiness is not a result, happiness is a way of life.
. Happiness is not the end result of desire. Happiness is an attitude, not a desire. You can be happy here if you know how to be, and you will never be happy if you don't know how to be and you go on desiring it. Happiness is an art. It is a way of life. If you can be silent and aware of the life that is around you and within you this very moment, you will be happy. The birds are singing, the wind is blowing ... The trees are happy, the sky is happy; everything in existence is happy except you.
. Existence is happiness. It is an eternal celebration, a festivity.
. Look at existence! Every tree is in a festive mood, every bird is in a festive mood. Except man, everything is in a festive mood. The whole of existence is a festival, a constant, continuous festival. No sadness, no death, no misery exists anywhere, except in the human mind. Something is wrong with the mind, not with existence. Something is wrong with you, not with the situation.
. Why is man unhappy? No animal is so unhappy, no bird is so unhappy, no fish is as unhappy as man. Why is man so unhappy? – because man desires happiness, and the birds are happy right now, the trees are happy right now. Man desires happiness – he is never happy here and now. He always desires it, and goes on missing it, because happiness is here. It is happening all around you. Allow it to enter within.
. Be part of existence. Don't move into the future. Existence never moves into the future, only the mind does.
It can be applied in other kind of abstract meanings in human behaviour. Sometimes this is why the youngest generations feel frustrated for not getting the properly "happiness" why? Because they ask a lot of it.
If you ask for being attractive for a girl/boy, the opposite you will get.
If you ask too much for attention, the rejection you will get.
If you ask too much for happiness you will not be full filled in your life or opportunities.
I guess we have to accept our circumstances and yes working hard to get better every year but not being obsessed with "happiness" because it is quite impossible.
There is no question that there are many folks fixated on happiness, but life does not always present the conditions for happiness to arise. Let's say you have a health condition that cause moderate to severe chronic pain. Or if you have a child who is suffering very harsh difficulties in life. Let's say many, many other things that happen to people in their lives.
Even for the most fortunate, life is difficult. The pursuit of constant happiness seems similar to people who are seeking an escape via all kinds of distractions . Balance is what is needed in all things so you can deal with the inevitable challenges and not-so-wonderful things that defines everybody's life (regardless of the public mask many wish to don).
OTH, contentment is a worthy rung to reach for as this allows one to make the most efficacious responses with the not-so-great things and enjoy the wonderful parts of life without becoming attached (addicted) to such.
. Don't deceive yourself friend ... Don't be cunning with yourself ...
. The out world nothing has to do with happiness ... Life is happiness ... And life is throbbing withing you ... So is happiness ...
. Happiness is an art that one has to recognize. It has nothing to do with your doing or not doing ... It has everyhting to do with your being ...
. People can be happy only in one way ... If they become Buddhas ... otherwise ... you're just deceiving yourself with your beautiful dreams ... with your maya stupid businesses ... with your so called golden palace ...
. Just by becoming a meditative being ... you're happy ...
. Then ... the spring of happiness start flowing; they become more alive, they become a joy to see, a joy to be with; they're a song, they're a dance ...
There are as many paths that can result in happiness as there are people.
A buddha is one who sees with clarity.